School, Kids, Life in general

I am sick of being depressed all the time, I am tired of not having any energy, I just want to be happy and I know what I have to do to achieve my desires. I need to focus on each part of my life I want to change and go at it.

School: I am completely loving school. I am so happy my therapist and my friend Brittany encouraged me to to go to college. Without their support I don't think I would have really gone through with it. So far I am making all A's, and staying ahead in my work. I am already 2 weeks ahead in all my assignments for both classes. Except my General class, the teacher didn't post the Discussion Questions in the syllabus so I have to wait for the week to come when we have Discussion Questions in that class and do them then. Other than that though I am planning on being done with all 9 weeks of work by my birthday. I am very determined to do well in school and all of my focus really needs to stay on school. I don't need to be worrying about men or my so called "mother", I need to keep my focus completely on school.

Kids: The kids are doing well. Karly is about to be done with preschool. Taryn got into preschool a little late but is attending for the last month of classes. She is doing surprisingly well, which shocked any who know her. Aiden is doing great too, he's unfortunately picking up on Taryns behavior when she pitches a fit, which really isn't good. I am sadly having to be a little harder on Taryn and not let her get away with as much stuff as I do. I have been so easy on her because I was so afraid of becoming like my mother. Yet now I see the error of my ways in this. By being so easy on her she now thinks she can get away with whatever she wants with me and therefore doesn't listen to me at all! I have created my own problem and now I must fix it, even if it does mean being somewhat like my "mother". I will NOT be as bad as my "mother" was though, I refuse to beat my child and do nothing but yell and scream all day long, it's going to be really tough for the first few weeks but I think I can do it as long as I stick with it. Aiden listens pretty good but I haven't been babying him the way I did Taryn. Karly on the other hand, spends way too much time around my "mother", she is starting to act just like her, and unfortunately she seems to have inherited my attitude problems and the ability to never stop talking, and not knowing when to just shut her mouth. This is also a problem, she also doesn't listen to me at all. Which is a huge problem. I am going to have to be hard on her too till she learns that I am her mother not grandma and that she needs to listen to me.

Life: Life sucks ass right now, but I need to keep my head up and remember not to give up. I tend to give up when things get tough, and I need to stop doing that. I need to find a way to co-exist in this house with my "mother" or else things may get really ugly. I know I put myself down a lot due to constant criticism from my family, but I realize I don't have to listen to them or anyone else. I don't need ANYONE to tell me who I am. I know I am beautiful woman on the inside and out. I have a good personality, and I am a good friend to those who deserve it. I do tend to try to help out though when I really should just stay out of it, but I can work on that. It is time for a total and complete reconstruction of how I look at my life and how I perceive things. I don't need a man to complete my life. I have my kids and my school and my few, yet wonderful, friends. I like being single, yet on the other hand, I miss having someone to cuddle with the most. I am lonely but I try to stay busy with my school work and family. I know that one day things will change, and everything happens for a reason. I know the gods are putting me through all this turmoil for a purpose that I just don't understand yet but one day I will find my happiness and until then I just need to be patient. Patience is not one of my virtues but it is one I am working on. :)

I refuse to let anyone pull me down anymore and I will not allow anyone to try to make me think I am less than what I am. To my few true friends, you know who you are, I love ya'll and am very happy I have ya'll in my life.